the magic is broken, the house is in ruins, your memory's one-sided

Gary hasn't seen Karen in a long time--which must be good, if you think about it, has to be good, never mind the awkward desperate part of him that wants to keep reaching out, grabbing, in hopes of finding someone who will see into the craziness and understand him. Mostly, in fact, he's stayed in his studio except for when he has to go to his therapy appointments, and those aren't going as well as they could be.

He knows that Mike hasn't talked to Jim for longer than he's been apart from Karen: hasn't talked to Jim, but has done better with socialisation, anyway, in that his mother is not calling the apartment wanting to know whether her boy is all right, thank God, because Gary isn't sure he can handle the phone right now. Apart from that he's not really sure what Mike is doing, because he's been avoiding him, too, keeping hours that don't overlap with Mike's, making dinner while Mike is out and then leaving it in the fridge while he hides in the studio painting furiously, consuming mainly Saranac and dry cereal.

Which he can't do for-ever. Especially because, during the very few bouts of feverish sex, when he'd worked up his nerve enough to convince himself Mike wasn't his brother, he could still see the weariness and the strain on Mike's face, and he knows it's coming, sooner or later he's going to have to know.

So instead of going back and locking himself in his studio this evening, Gary cooks a decent meal, taking his time, talking himself calm. He's even showered and wearing a clean set of clothes. He sets the table and waits for Mike to come home from wherever he is.

Gary's been living with Mike for a few months now, but he's been sleeping badly--mostly because he is terrified of what will happen when he starts to wake up screaming, so he's been purposefully waking himself up all through the night to keep it from happening.

It's about two in the morning, and he gets up and stumbles into the kitchen, searching blindly in the dark for a drink. He still has trouble with his drinking. It's been such a handy coping method when he was homeless, and it's still his first instinct when something gets stressful.

He pours himself a coffee mug of straight bourbon, and sips it, looking at the cloudy sky through the window.

It's a Friday night, and Gary is at a bar as usual. New York shakes him up--it shouldn't, he's been living here for ten years now, he should be used to it; but he's not--and he's found that the only thing that really properly calms his nerves is to use his hard-won change to buy a few beers and steal pretzels off the bar to make up for his usual lack of caloric intake.

Days he spends collecting the things he needs to live, whether honestly (by trolling the trashcans in his area of the city) or dishonestly (he is an adept shoplifter): pencils and charcoal stubs, paper to draw on, food if he can get it; clothes every now and again. There's a corner of the subway generally regarded as his by the other homeless he shares it with, and he panhandles whenever he can.

And on Fridays, with perfect regularity, he goes to a bar somewhere and spends his pocketful of change getting drunk in the warmth and cool, dark lighting, watching the people and sketching on his napkins, peaceful somewhere deep inside himself.

Sitting on a stool at the bar, he's an unusually thin figure in a dark green cableknit sweater full of holes and worn jeans, his dark hair a shade or three too long, his eyes quiet. The bottle in front of him is his third, and his napkin is covered in light pencil sketches of the man two seats down.

Player Name: Soujin
Player Age: 18
Contact Info: RainbowJehan@gmail.com; gtalk.
Time Zone: EST

Character: Gary Wilkinson
Based on: Gaheris
Age: 26
Occupation: Artist

Bio: Gary's past is a little bit, um, blurry, even to him. He ran away from home very young, due to some kind of hideous family situation, and then scraped by, probably by shoplifting stuff all over the place. He discovered a talent for art somewhere along the way, and graduated from "random graffiti" school to "trying to put together a portfolio" academy, somewhere in between getting moderately addicted to Saranac beer, the perfect complement to panhandling. Somehow, something sold, and he got enough to money to keep him in a bad apartment. From there things started to look up. He met Mike, The Most Perfect Man In The World No Really and, as things got kind of serious, moved to Britannia with him. Then he got a major deal with an art studio and things were really going pretty well--

--aaaand then he got back his full set of hidden Arthurian memories. Sort of. He slips in and out of remembering: when he's flashbacking he is an utter basketcase and about as volatile as nitroglycerin, but when he's not, he doesn't remember that he even has the flashbacks. While in the throes, however, he has attempted suicide multiple times, destroyed all his artwork, destroyed his studio, and generally proceeded to fail massively at life.

He is resisting all of Mike's efforts to get him to a psych.

Personality: Gary is nice, but shy: anti-social at best and flat-out agoraphobic at worst. He tends to be a quiet person, the kind of guy who gets neglected at parties and is actually okay with that.

When he's around someone he's totally comfortable with, like Mike, he can get downright snarky. It is invariably kind of bizarre.

Sample Post: "Hey, honey?"

"Yeah?"

Gary drums his fingers on the computer keyboard for a moment, and then calls, "Do you mind if I use the story about Caleb in Red Pen Special?"

"Hell, no, preserve him for posterity."

A crooked grin. "Okay, just checking. Didn't want to get you into a legal battle with the school board."

"Well, all bets are off. When time are you done? I finally caved into your demands and bought Korbel Extra Dry."

"Is it Friday?"

"Yes, you self-employed fucker." Mike saunters out from the kitchen and leans over his shoulder. "So we can sleep in to-morrow."

"Great."

"So when are you done?"

Gary taps the keyboard again and hits commandW. "Now is good."

"Wait, we're going to get drunk and have mad passionate sex at four in the afternoon?"

"Not if you find the idea blindingly offensive."

"No, no, I'm in."

He laughs and gets up, reaching for Mike. Since he moved in, he's been filling out steadily: not the sickly thin, weary-faced man he was when they met in the bar a year ago. He can feel the weight of his body in Mike's arms, solid and warm. That's new. It's so new, and, God, it feels great. All of it does. Life is perfect right now, it'll be perfect, if he doesn't blow it with his fucking abandonment issues, if he just holds on to how good this is and keeps steady--

Mike kisses his chin. "Come on."

So Gary does.

Journal: apieceofhim
Played By: Ben Chaplin